Breaking Out

Bowling Green, Ohio student Robert Ricketts, 19, had his head bloodied when he was struck by a Conrail train. He told police he was trying to see how close to the moving train he could place his head without getting hit.

"Chicken with a Train" 1995 Honorable Mention Confirmed True by Darwin

Yes, I did it. I finally made it to 75 once again and on Paladin. It took a lotta work, and it was no suprise to me that I had to get a party as a Damage Dealer and Backup Healer and not a tank. (Thanks in no small party to the Hauby my good friend Windy lent me--THANK YOU!) The thief found it funny to Sneak Attack/Trick Attack on me periodically. But I did my best to keep the monsters away from the healers or black mage. From this point on, I do believe that I will be feeding my PLD's XP meter with XP Scrolls since I doubt I'll be able to get more XP Parties as a Paladin. More's the pity. I really love the Paladin game. Heheh.. I'm almost ready to accept an invite to a godshell just so I can be a paladin and tank things again.


It all started because I wanted to farm crystals; I was board and fustrated with my current work in the game, and I did really need fire crystals. I ended up leveling a bunch of jobs in order to have something that could kill fast enough to collect the crystals. Then, after I finally passed the Promys, I leveled four jobs to level 40 in order to use them on further CoP missions. Then, since my red mage wasn't going anywhere, I decided to level it further. And the more I continued the better I loved it. But what is more a reason to do anything than that you have fun doing in a game.

I have thought what my next step would be. I am lost if I do not have a goal or process to work to attain. I have begun to level Red Mage once again, yet I don't think that will take very long to reach 75 one more time. Red Mages seem so much in demand its not even funny. Even if I refuse to do some of the crazy stuff that people demand over time--I left a party once that was one ninja, two monks and theif. And then they invite a dragoon for the last slot. I understand the concept, but these things always end up the same way: They give you insufficient resources to accomplish too much effort. I may be in charge of main healing, but they will want haste on everyone, removal of status effects and dispel and debuff and... you get the idea. When you cannot do such things, the conclusion becomes "You Are Terrible." I remember one occasion when someone kept demanding a Protect and a had to say "Do you want a cure or a protect?"

Anyway.. I digress.. and.. complain. Wow.. I gotta stop that.


Well, I think I will finally end up playing with the fun little jobs and get them to 60. Dark Knight seems very versitile; Warrior AF is worth the trip alone. And of course Beastmaster... lol.. can't say how many people have demanded that I level beastmaster.

Beastmaster is a sexy looking process, and full of things I do anyway. I think, however, I'd end up doing more things I normally do, and not the way most play it. I mean, I understand the process; but misscharms..yuk... With the use of alchemy and cooking, I and thinking I could do all sorts of new and different things. I would love to experiment with new ways to play the job. And of course..when I'm board.. I'll do the old way.

Journey Onward

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

The seasons had long broke from the summer to the fall, and the air about Windurst was cool to almost chilly, especially with the wind across the bays. The waters surrounding Heaven's Tower were clear and calm, and shown the rising moon in perfect clerity.

I was sitting on the bridge looking over the banishing gate that guareded the Toraimarai Canal. I sat with my friend Raka eating a short meal before venturing in again to the dark ressess. I was enjoying my tuna curry; made people laugh, but it is my favorite choice of all.

"Do you think its right?" Asked Raka suddenly. She pointed at the gate with her last stick of bread. "What we do in there?"

I sputtered a bit, spitting a little of my meal. "What?" I asked, giving her a look.

She paused a second as if reconsidering but pressed on. "Is it right that we go down there?" she insisted. "And do what we do to the undead? And the animals?"

I gave her an incredulous look, then gulped the last of my dinner. "Speak no more; you'll be whipped for taxation one of these days" I said with a sour look. "What could be possibly wrong with killing those things?"

She looked at the gate, looking pensive. "We go down there." She said. "Kill hundreds of those skeletons. They never seem to stop rising. I mean.. they're the undead spirits of the old ansestors, aren't they?"

I pulled my pack over my shoulder, and leaped down to the shallow water below. The resulting splash smacked the sleeping goblin under the bridge. The odd creature never caused trouble, but it only sold the odd chips harvested from gods know where. He woke and swore at me in it's goblin language as it moved around the corner, and fell asleep again.

"You really believe those monsters would just stay down there?" I said as I rinsed out my bowl in the clear waters. "As you say, they keep rising and are very powerful. What would happen if any of them were to enter the city? You've seen how strong their magic can get."

Raka obsorbed my response. "But what about the animals." she insisted. "They aren't half as strong, and are just animals."

I looked up at her. "Are you serious?" I asked. "Those bats and leeches all breed like rarabs. And are more agressive than a hungry coeurl. They all need to be controlled."

I walked over to the dry earth to put away my gear and began to fasen on my armor and weapons. "Raka..whats really bothering you? I can't believe you're suddenly struck with simpathy for the undead."

Raka looked up at the bright moon, quiet. "I'm just thinking about what we do all the time." She began. "We fight beastment. We fight undead. We fight animals. But really, does it ever end? Why do we do it?"

I motioned her to come down and toward the banishing gate. As she approached, I chuckled. "For all the people like Star Sybil and the itinerate emissaries and missionaries from the beastmen tribes, they are as a whole.. quite ready to skin one of us alive." I said, as I walked up to the cardian guarding the gate. "The undead even more so; they were animated by dark forces and unsettled minds. There are good reasons for everything we do."

The cardian announced a challenge in the mechanical voice. Never could understand these buggers. "It's us." I said. "Let us in." The thing bowed and the gates slowly opened long enough to let us in.

"Ever wonder why I run so many places?" I asked. The cool fresh air of the outside was slowly transforming to the cool rancid air of the canal.

Raka raised an eyebrow. "Not really." She admited.

"If you fly or teleport or even ride a fast bird the landscape is only so much blur." I explained. "But ever since I began running to different places, I've met so many new people, seen so many new things. All of my most favorite stories I've told people were the result of running."
The stairs down to the start of the canal were lined by shadows of magical lights. The sounds of skittering creatures, flapping of bats and rattling of bones became louder.
Raka looked confused. "So you're saying its good that we kill things because you like running places?"

I laughed. "No no.." I said. "What I'm saying is, there are all sorts of good reasons to do anything. But doing anything is the best way to experience new things; and isn't that the important part?"

Raka scoweled. "If you say 'its the journey' I will have to hit you."

I smirked. "Not the journey. The people. The experiences. The learning. Its all good. What would you be doing if we never met?" I winked. "Probably never could be telling tails about beetles eating the Heaven's Tower, now could you? Even the people I meed once for a few moments have left an impression on me that has lasted for years. How much value can be said in that?"

We walked to the very edge of where the monsters. Off in the distance, the flappings of hordes of bats could be seen.

I touched her on the shoulder, turning her to me. "Never forget... 'Fools may speak wisely what wise men do foolishly'" I whispered, trying not to attract any bats. "We question because we are learning and doing; which is living. Right or wrong, we are here because there is a need for something to be done."

A louder chittering appeared about the corner and a small bundle of bats came out of no where towards us. Both of us drew our weapons.

"Lets get doing." I said, smiling.

Paladin Glass Ceiling

Shallowness is natural; conceit comes with education.
Cicero, Pro Flacco

Its a strange thing, but this game is full of "Fads" and "Cult followings" like I've know not what of. Every time something becomes popular, it sweeps like a tsunami of insanity. Prices shoot through the roof, lines form 20 deep... the day TAoU came out, you couldn't find a Ghoul anywhere.

The new form of XP Parties seem to be one of these fads. The cannon party that runs around killing everything it can find, disreguarding anyone who they might run over in the process. Others just pull several mobs at the same time with the assumption that nothing will go wrong and they could pull great XP really fast. I can totally understand that; people hate the XP grind and want to get it over with. My arguement has always been that it tends to lead to fustration for many, and it is far too easy and too fast for things to go wrong and everyone to die. Yet it is the most popular type of party, and that is the way it goes.

Of course..what about the people who do not fit in these parties. That is the biggest reason I dislike them; in the original classic way there is no combination of job that couldn't work as long as Healer, Tank and Refresher were satisfied. And they worked! But the Dark Knights, Dragoons, and Paladins.. do not "work".. so what of them?

I suppose I asked for it by spending as much time as I have on Paladin. Heck, I can't even say "but you've asked me to do..." because nobody has actually asked me to do anything except be a white mage. So do I have any room to complain? lol..of course I do. I've it before, and I'll say it again: its the right of every woman to change a man's mind. I wish to change the mind of people. Like many black mage has told me, a good paladin is golden for the mage who wishes to inflict great damage on monsters. But really, I hope to argue to a harkening to the old fashion parties that actually worked even if they didn't reach tripple digit chains. If nothing else, its a chance to invite someone new to have just plain ordinary fun.

Well...all I can say is, I will not be giving up. And like many people, there are lots of things I would like to do. But in the mean time I will take as much time as it takes to get to 75 once again.

Yuk.. todays post.. I dont like it. But I dedicate this blog to whatever I'm thinking about at the time, and unfortunatly.. this is all I can think about. SOMEONE! MAKE ME A PARTY!!!

What do you want to do?

Its... funny... when blogger says "blogger is down, do not attempt to post your draft, or you may loose it." actually means..."do not post or you will loose it." CURSE YOU BLOGGER FOR MEANING WHAT YOU SAY!!! Ah well.. maybe... I'll remember most of it.

I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

The words "What do you want to do?" "I dunno, what do you wanna do" always brings to mind a couple of cartoon birds... I think there was some disney cartoon with two characters that said that. But truely how often have you said such a thing. I know for myself... I hate doing NOTHING; I just don't sit still very well. Even last night, I was making bloody bolts and accepted an invite by a solo white mage who needed a kazham key (cost me a party invite, but..meh..I always keep my word--I accept the consequences of giving it).

Our little obsession provides for us a great deal of posibilities to have fun. Content like nothing else, yet each step of course, requires a bit of work and sometimes a lot of work. Quests, Missions, Cut Scenese, Notorious Monsters.. its all designed to make things interesting. Sometimes its so intertwined and difficult beyond belief (like unlocking sky or finishing the Promy's) but many argue that it can be worth it. Yet it still is sometimes a bit of work to find things to do, and most of it ultimatly leads to .. XP parties.

People's attitudes to XP parties has always amused and astounded me. The general accepted idea of the party is to earn Experience Points above and beyond what you can earn alone. They go on for hours at a time, and are sometimes very repetitive by nature. Heck.. its a formulae as good as any pulp fiction novel. Pull, kill, scamper, win. Wash rince repeat. But does it really HAVE to be work? We are here to have fun, right?

I understand the idea that people fall into that "I have a lot of XP to earn and not much time to do it" so they say "shut-up and dance." I've been in these parties; fast...so fast that I actually feel an adrenal rush. But I am not always in the mood for such a thing; ESPECIALLY when it comes to the little fustrations that come with it. As a tank, I continually found these a problem to be effective and fast at the same time; and I rarely see any benefit from it except that you do in fact kill more in less time. But really.. doesn't that sound like "work" to anyone other than me? If you are not having fun, then what the heck are you playing the game for?

I think that people fall under the misconception that the others in the party are actually computer controlled sprites, and treat them as such. Why invite a dragoon? Why worry if that person might object to loosing XP for the sake of others? Why should the party mind if I go away from my keyboard during this fight? The key point that I keep finding is that no matter what the XP result, the funnest parties I've been in are ones that had people who respected each other as actual people, and cooperated as a whole to do what was needed.

My favorite story to date was one occasion when I was tanking against those evil imps, and I was silenced, low on mp, flash was not up, and I had amnesia. And of course, they pulled a fly. I have to say, imps are not that bad if and only if I have plent of MP and I can cast magic. Yet that whole party, I could spam "Silenced" over and over without any response. And I could not get Mage Balad or Refresh with any regularity at all. But the mob came, and I had no hate whatsoever. The dragoon died fast, and of course the healer was next since he cast strong cure spells. "Get it away from the mages!!" was the cry and I (with not too much glee) said "How? Silenced, Flash isn't even up, no MP and amnesia." It was amazing how fast Silena came after that.

Of course, cooperation isn't the only composition; being able to have fun with the whole ordeal is really important. I had two parties where in one, I had a real problem getting anyone willing to cast cure on me with any regularity, and a lot of really grumpy people (sometimes, it is actually important to impress upon the healers that the tank should have more hitpoints than the maximum damage that a monster can deal. Should have to, but even after being spammed with 500-800 points on single attacks, I still get one-shotted by monsters). The other, I had people having fun, everyone cooperating and nobody was afraid of making jokes. Which one gave me more XP? I have no idea.. just guess which one I would love to do again.

I've rediscovered some of my old latin literature, and there was one phrase I wanted to share:

If you were well and chose not to come, I'm glad both your body and judgement are in good shape.
--Cicero, Ad Familiares, VII, 1

'Taint My Job

I do not propose to write an ode to dejection, but to brag as lustily as [kitty] in the morning, standing on [her] roost, if only to wake my neighbors up.

Thoreau, in Walden...with liberties...

This weekend... had a theme. A common theme that seems to only happen to me. "'Taint my job."

There's a general idea that in a party, you have a tank who holds the attention of the monster, a healer to cure damage, and a refresher to help keep things going longer until you have to rest. This is the way I learned to party; a good way to chain and keep things going on and on. The tank keeps hate, the mob sits still, and people don't get random damage, only one person has to get cured...just a nice setup. There are obvious variations on the theme--some I just don't agree with because they turn parties into "work" instead of "fun"--but the idea is that someone will heal the people who take damage.

Seems like the parties I get into never heard of this idea.

Between all the parties where I am having fun, doing great, and even once in a while save the day, I find a party that just fustrates me. The party with the white mage who will not cast Stona even after spamming "Petrified" over and over. There's the countless times I'm allowed to goto below 40% HP on mobs who can do damage equal to 60% of my HP on a regular basis. And then there are times...when nobody can determine...who's job it is...to keep the tank alive. "'Taint my job".. ""Taint my job"...

Maybe I'm just silly. Maybe I'm in parties that don't like me. Why join a party where the black mage says he'll keep me alive only to see him use up all his MP on Antient Magic and let me die twice. Why join a party where the white mage insults you rather than cast poisona on you so you can rest for MP. Or why join a party with a bard who refuses to tell you when she is casting Mage Ballad or refuses to stand next to the melee's because "She Might Get Silenced"? And the best one, why join a party where the white mage has a random connection and may stop curing anyone at any moment? Of course, the last one was funny enough since I doubt they cared since I was keeping hate very well--the lack of cures never affected them.

This just perpetuates a whole hosts of problems. As a white mage or red mage, I really hated the whole "{insert spell}" spam I would always get. As a white mage, it usually was said after I had already cast it. As a red mage...well...red mages get lots of demands and it usually a case of "i'm getting to it" when they ask. (In one case, I completly forgot to cast refresh on a dark knight.. yeesh.. was my face red..). I do not want to be one of these people, but I'm seeing as little choice. "Someone cure the paladin" is becoming quite to voice these days. As much as "Bio'd" or "Silenced" or whatever. I think, however, that I will not have much choice in the long run.

Yet, there are those people I can count upon. And of course, my NPC, Raka. hehe.. of course, she does have a tendancy to silence beetles and stand still when Ants are casting Flood on me. But on the whole, if I am doing any sort of activity that requires paralyna or stona, I invite her along. This past weekend, I finally did the last level break quest--and unfortuantly the last quest period--bringing her level limit to 65. It was kinda cute too--she was making me a present, that turned out to be a "Homemade Salad." 10 MP for 30 min. The funny part about it is that I've often thought that my personal real life salad habbit may have interfered with my feline instincts. So, I think I'll hold onto this bugger and chase it, pounce on it, let it run away and then finally, when its no longer running...eat it.

"Every BODY! Every BODY! Every BODY wants to be a cat!"
--Aristocats, Disney movie

Little House Of Doubts

Here's a phrase that has stuck with me for a while.

To know that you know what you know, and to know that you don't know what you do not know, that is knowledge

--Thoreau quoting Confucius in the book, Walden

Nice little tongue twister, but its a nice little thought. Do you really know what you know? Or do you just think you don't know it?

Thats something that always bothered me. I like to think that I know something and am sure about it. Some things you just know, at least.. I'd like to think so. But theres a great deal of perspective that comes into play. As a little girl, the library of my first school was so huge that I was scared to go into it. Handful of years later and about 2 feet in height..and its a quaint and quiet place with painfully small bookshelves and 40 year old books.

Yet, there are some ideas that you can't ever prove without getting into a lotta trouble. Like the idea that arsnic tastes like almonds. Living in the desert, I've often been told to take salt tablets to provide myself with salt. Yet later, I'm told; no, you need to replace electrolytes, like whats in modern sports waters. And.. do NOT get me started on the "Egg" council or red meat or those jokers.

Hehe.. sometimes finding out is easier than other times. Long time ago, I was invited by friends to complete the "Selbinian Clay" quest, including the two hard ones in Sauromugue Champaign and Batallia Downs. The one through the Citidel was filled with peril...and a strong image in my head when one of those skeltons cast "Water III" on me (hehe..I was so happy when I was high enough rdm to cast it). The Batallia one was just as bad, since the Necropolis is full of fun undead and switches. I found everything wonderfully exciting, and we did make it to the island to find the Monument.

Well, I returned there yesterday... and...was the first time ever.. that I was dissapointed that I did NOT get agro from monsters. Everything was soo..normal. Especially for such an unsual area. There's even a bunch of Lich's back there--something I wish I knew when I was hunting for G1 Papers--and some weak evil doggies. The only exciting thing was the NM tree Ahtu was on the island. (Drops a key I have no idea what was for)

So.. am I ever gonna find "true knowledge" hehe.. well.. older I get, maybe I'll keep forgetting things.

Anyone know where my car keys are?

Meyaouing is Easy; Comedy is Hard

One of my most favorite of all punsters is one Spider Robinson; a reluctant Science Fiction writer. The one I loved the most was this little gem:

In the year 2744 a human survey team discovered a planet whose sole inhabitant was an enormous humanoid, three miles high and made of something very like granite. At first it was mistaken for an immense statue left by some vanished race of giants, for it squatted motionless on a vast rocky plain, exhibiting no outward sign of life. It had legs (two), but apparently never rose to walk on them. It had a mouth, but never ate or spoke. It had what appeared to be a perfectly functional brain, the size of a fifty-story condominium, but the organ lay dormant, electrochemical activity at a standstill. Yet it lived.

This puzzled hell out of the scientists, who tried everything they could think of to elicit some sign of life from the behemoth--in vain. It just squatted, motionless and seemingly thoughtless, until one day a xenobiologist, frustrated beyond endurance, screamed, "How could evolution give legs, mouth and brain to a creature that doesn't use them?"

It happened that he was the first one to ask a direct question in the thing's presence. It rose with a thunderous rumble to its full height, scattering the clouds, pondered for a second, boomed, "It couldn't," and squatted down again.

"Migod," exclaimed the xenobiologist. "Of course! It only stands to reason."

I know I love to joke. It seems to bring joy around, and well.. I'll admit it.. I love it when people like to have me around. But I end up thinking about the idea of what is funny; heaven knows I am having a hard time finding funny things to say here. (Hehe..there was a Star Trek epsiode when the android asked that question: "Tip O'neal in a tutu.")

The greeks thought a lot about humor; it was paramount to their understanding of health and health care. They believed that everyone had four humours, based upon elements: Autumn-Earth-Melancholic-black bile; Spring-Air-Sanguine-blood; Winter-Water-Phlegmatic-phlegm; and Summer-Fire-Choleric-yellow bile. I know what your saying.. too much information. But they thought that sometimes you had an inbalance of such fluids in your body, your health went wacky. A sanguine attitude (another word for "blood") meant you were extra energetic. A meloncholic attitude meant that you had too much black bile, full of sadness.

Hehe.. if only it were that easy.

But that is why the Greeks loved the theatre so much. Theatre was actually started as a sort of festival to celebrate the harvest. But they developed a whole philosophy about the process of creating a play and made it a whole social process, much that is still used today. They wanted to be able to purge the soul of excess things (for tradgedies, this was called "catharsis").

I think it comes from a sense of the absurd, and then finding someone who will actually listen to you. Sometimes my jokes comes from my inability to understand or deal with situations.. kinda like punching the bully in the nose. I missed a lot of school as a little girl, but the times I did go, I tended to do little things to break the tention for myself. Once, I actually wore two different shoes from two different pairs.. it was kinda drastic. Two different kinds of colors. The looks I got was pricesless, and probably was the only thing that kept me going (several teachers thought I was just.. slow about shoes). Thats what Mel Brooks often said about why he wrote "The Producers" the way he did; the greatest revenge that he could ever think of was to make Hitler the object of laughter and riddicule forever. He even said "I want to thank Hitler - for being such a funny guy on stage" when he accepted the awards.

I have thought that todays comedians have takent he place in our society that people like Aristotle or Socrates used to hold. Even the subtle jokes between George Burns and Gracy Alan ("Gonzo Fiddles while George Burns"... gotta love it) leave you a moment to think about what you just heard. Seignfield made an observation about the idea that most people have a greater fear of public speaking than of death; therefore, more people would rather be in a casket than giving the eulogy. Compare that to the words of Socrates when he talked about the fact that he chose his wife as the woman who was the most shrewish he could find so he could appreciate life the most. These people seem to always want to make people think, and laugh. Me... I just am a glutton for attention.

Well.. humor isn't easy. Too many rules sometimes, and its hard to find a safe subject. Not all my jokes have gone off very well.. In fact; I would like to hold a moment of silence for all those people who have suffered from all the bad jokes I have made over time. May they some day find peace. And pie. Lots of pie.

In the words of Hamlett, "Buzz Buzz."

Mirror Mirror on a Moogle

History of technology has generally been the history of what drove that technology. The "Space Race" of the 60's brought HUGE technological advances. Scott Adams (the guy who draws "Dilbert" badly--his words) predicted that future advances will be driven by dateless men who want a replacement for women (lol... personally... not sure how I feel about that, but it still makes me giggle). Of course, medical applications are always comming into play; anyone remember that a powerful treatment for migraine headaches came someone getting botox injected to remove wrinkles.

Not sure how many people remember the history of the Virtual Reality technology. It has gotten very far, but how many people remember some of the old predictions about how "realistic" it would get (there was an X Files episode that made me very mad...). Douglas Engelbart, an engineer, took VR into the realm of training future and present pilots by giving them experience in a safe environment. Psychologists started using it to treat phobias like a frear of hights or fear of crouds and more.

SO..whats the point. The point is, the "virtual" reality is fake that feels real. The perceptions that people have about the reality they are percieving is what makes it real.

This is something I've thought about a lot in the past few weeks. Final Fantasy is a game that brings people together in a common safe place to...play a.. video game. Not much else to it. However, the people we meet are real people with real feelings and emotions, and the struggles we meet and conquer together leave their mark. For the good or for the bad. Because our perceptions are not that we're playing a video game against a computer, it is because we are standing together with real people who have inevidibly become our friends.

Yet.. how could we not make an emotional and intelectual connection with the people we meet online. The time we spend online is real. The excitement we feel in getting that rare drop is real. The dissapointment we experience in loosing 3,000+ experience points because someone did something stupid is real. The amazing special feeling of being selected out to recieve a special item by one person or a group is real. Is it any doubt that we start to feel good or bad feelings with these people?

We are only human (well.. I'm a cat, but lets not go there); only robots will not have emotions. Together, as people, we make promises, we make plans, we make alliances, we break alliances, we break plans, we break promises... we are... human. So is it any suprise that we feel real pain over "fake" things that happen online. Is a promise made on a game worth less than one in real life? Are we allowed to break our word just because it is "just a game" as it is said?

I think that human nature is the greatest of misteries for people to understand, and the biggest secrets of all of history's leaders. From Sun Tzu, Miyamoto Musashi, Carl von Clausewitz, and many others state clearly that human emotions is as important as food and shelter when dealing with any "tactical" situation (do not discount the idea just because they were military generals; their writings are staples among management training). However, I believe this is the one thing that is the most ignored--especially in cases when our own failings come into play.

lol.. why.. do I bring this up? Just random thoughts; I am constantly thinking about one thing or another, and this is just one. I will leave it with this last quote. I'll try to read another author, I'm a hopeless shakespeare lover... besides.. it applies...and I always loved Shyloc's speach.

"If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?"

Good grief.. I'll try to find something funny tomorrow. FFXI has green penguins now..maybe I'll throw some in the air.

Weapons are Tools of Ill Tuna

Wondering is my favorite thing to do.. I know the trips from one spot to another can be boaring, but some of my favorite FFXI memories happened cause I took the time to walk. Case in point, I was wondering Garliage Citidel to find things to kill without annoying a bunch of people trying to XP. I was checking around on the different mobs and seeing a sea of Too Weaks when...something started attacking me... I stood there taking hits, not understanding. Level 73..should be anything to agro me, when I saw "Old Two-Wings" flying above me. How rude! Well... it looked at me funny.. quite literally.. so I summoned my NPC (Had no idea how tough it was) and killed it very fast. It was very dissapointing; not only no drop, I didn't even get a single XP for killing it. So...rather than waste a charge, I went killing, but didn't find much worth the time. I ended up in the basement to kill Weapons, but ever since my NPC reached 59, I have been having a hard time finding good mobs to kill. My NPC was complaining about the time when I finally got an invite to party, so I ran back to Jeuno.

Accepting invites to Japanese parties is a huge question mark anymore. It is very difficult to participate in the party decisions, it is nigh near impossible to ask for a replacement no matter how late it gets, and now a days you can't guarentee they will or will not be a competent group of players.

A few days before, I accepted an invite from a US black mage player who invited a group of Japanese players to party in Luf. Meadows on rams and birds. The composition was odd to me, since no distinct healer was invited, but the black mage assured me he would be main healer. In actuality, however, he spent the whole time casting Antient Magic and constantly had no MP to keep me alive. It is unfortunatly a very common case where I am forced as a Paladin to cure myself, but even in those cases at least people are capable or at least put up an effort to cure me when I'm down to 200 or less HP. And no matter how many times I said "what exactly are you doing" or "cure me" he did EXACTLY the same thing, and the end result was that I died twice. What is sad is that the only reason I stayed was that I could not explain why I wanted to leave suitably in Japanese, but by the 2nd time, I was so fustrated, I just said "my food is gone. excuse me" and left. But of course, the black mage got his level while I gained a whole 1k xp for my time.

This new party was an all Japanese party, with a setup almost near the same as before, and had only two possible healers, instead of three the previous one had. Yet, they announced, it was okay. hehe.. anxiety aside.. I decided to accept it and give it a try.

Once again, I found myself past the moon gate and xping off of weapons there. The only switch was that we camped right ontop of one spawn point, which resulted in frequent adds. However, we had a good crew and two sleepers who were on the ball. And we were able to pull from both sides of the map, which was the one weakness of the camp--you run out of mobs very fast. However, I very rarely feared that I was the only one casting cure on myself, and the party continued quite well. In fact, they seemed glad they invited me...hard to tell tho...lol.. I don't read kanji very well. Whats ausome...they liked my one fireworks joke.

It is very hard to tell what is a good party of bad party. Two very similar parties had drasticly different results because of the competency of the players. Yet doubting the competence at the pickup party level will lead to never XP'ing ever. I guess its the "live and learn" ideal; and trying to remember the names of people before hand. lol.. there are some names that still leave me cold, and others I'm sure I've forgotten. In the end, I just can't stand still very well.

I wonder how many people think the same of me...lol.. hope I never find out.

Cui bono, Felidae?

The biggest attractor and detractor to the so called "end game" of Final Fantasy is the fact that to get the shinest and best of all types of gears is to gather together in large groups and regularly work to obtain such a prize. Yet the pursuit of such things often ends in such penury that it leaves many without hope and least wise without fun; and why do that to a game.

But I call back to the time when I started the "end game" as a white mage. The ultimate of the white mage gear was the Nobel's Tunic; something to provide refresh and make a seemingly weak job a little more powerful. The first step was to obtain access to sky itself, a common enough event, yet a great enough effort that not enough people were willing to complete it. In most cases, not enough people could be bothered with the effort. In other cases, too much effort by groups was established to bringing people access to sky only to see them leave. Either way, no matter how much loyalty I promised and tried to show to any one group, the only way I was given access to sky was through the efforts of people who gained no benefit at all from aiding me. The significance to myself was not lost in the least upon myself.

My next step once I had access was yet again try to find a group who would have me and attempt to earn my gear. Yet the time it took for me to gain access to sky, a change had occurred over time with sky in reference to white mages. Too often, white mages would work hard and continue to work until they obtained the great item of choice...the shining cloth to make a nobel's tunic...and then dissapear. In later times, this became much more common among other jobs, yet at that time it was most especially visible among the white mages and other jobs that had little to nothing to gain from sky.

For those who do not realize it, but for a body with only one job to beyond 70, it is the work of utter fustration to continue to attend sky events and watch everyone walk away with greater weapons, armor and other fun things and all you end up walking away with is.. crystals. I am well aware that "Zenith" gear is supposedly "the best" for white mages as well, yet I would point out the obvious fact that not only is it a dubious piece of equipment in comparison with other options for white mage, it is ungodly expensive to purchase. Yet others come along with greater and better equipment for their own jobs; and mostly for free. This is a discouragement greater among most, yet it is one that many attend to no matter what--just to get that elusive armors.

My search for an acceptable group to work with was met with suspicion and new rules invented to prevent white mages especially from walking away with anything--even going so far as to insist that no one can earn any gear, and would be required to surrender such gear at any time to the group proper for any reason. The ultimate message was this: the members of the group exist only to serve the group as a whole. Therefore all things given to the people who are members are only such to "benefit the whole." How wonderfully utopian.

The first of these groups I joined, I was a very loyal and dedicated trooper. I spent a great deal of time, gil, and my own skill showing up for events, making items for use for people, and even more--I earned my points very fast and sure. Yet, once I asked to earn items other than what I was allowed as a lowly white mage, I was greeted with labels as "Greedy" and "Out for Personal Gain." Because of the items I wished to obtain were for jobs that would not benefit the group as too low level, even though they would benefit myself as I could equip them, I was not allowed. And furthermore, I was instructed to continue the same things that I had been doing, without any hope to obtain any gear; I should just be there for the benefit of the group, period. It is simple to say that I no longer wasted my time with said group after this fact. Of course, later, I was told by other still in that group that there were many complaints about the lack of healers.

After a short time, it became apparent that these groups realized the trend, and decided to invoke people in their existing member ship to level healing jobs as secondary in order to take the main job of healing for the group. In as much as they had done this, they became elidgable not only to obtain the items dedicated to the white mage, but also to their other jobs as well. Of course, benefitting the group..half the time, I suppose.

What I am calling upon is a plea for common sense. Utopian ideals are wonderful in their glitter but cannot withstand the test of time, without taking the fundamental human nature into consideration. The idea of "who benefits" is very important because it involves the additional question of "who is motivated." In the story of the mayflower compact, a group of religeous zealots created a commune where all things were held in common, much like those made in the 60's. Food grown, animals harvested were placed in a central storage, and everyone pulled directly from it as they needed. Nobody even owned any land; it was held in common. However, while everyone pulled from the commune equally, not everyone added to the commune equally or at all. In the end, the winter was long and hard, and starvation was rampant and only the local indians who supplied them with food and teachings that saved the survivors (this is often refered to as "The First Thanksgiving" by the way). The part of the story that most people forget is that the colony did not prosper until after they gave up the commune style of existance, and established a free enterprise. The govonor of the colony gave out individual lots of land to each of the surviving members, and each were charged with the cultivation of their own land. Even John Smith, the only successfor govenor of the Jamestown colony had to declair “he who does not work shall not eat” due to the population's "gentlemen" felt hard work was beneath them. These teach the lession that there is a correlation between people's motivation and their own self interest.

What, therefore, is the goal of such "god shells" groups? To obtain gear? To gain bragging rights to the destruction of various hard notorious monsters? How can this be accomplished? Obtain people committed to doing what is required to get the job done. And once obtained, retain these people for the long run in order to continue in the whole process of the stated missions.

How can this be accomplished? I just ask, what is the coin of the land of Final Fantasy? I'm not talking about gil; I am talking about what is most valuable above all? Everyone has a different answer, but lets list some things people value: New Weapons, New Armor, Missions, Rank, Dynamis Coins, Limbus Coins... Artifact Quests, anything that people can't do on their own. If a point system can work for obtaining gear for sky, why can't it work for a rare/ex item from bibiki bay? If a person farming at 100% attendance yet cannot benefit unless the rare event that Kirin goes down AND drops an item, then why not allow that person to get another item for another job that will never benefit the group? Why can't a group supply a bunch of veteran BCNM'ers in order to suppliment their groups gil and well..just to have fun. Do not alieanate the people who are loyal to your group and cause by ignoring them. The question has to be, who benefits? Because a group of happy individuals can only be a strong group.

I just ask one thing: If you were at a job where you were told that not only could you never ever get a promotion, you would never be elidgeable for a raise, your benefits would slowly decrease over time and your work load will slowly but surely increase. How long will it take for your motivation to fail. Then wonder if this was a game you play for fun.

In the words of Shakespeare, "If it do come to pass that any man turn ass, leaving his wealth and ease, a stubborn will to please, Ducdame, ducdame, ducdame: Here shall he see gross fools as he, an if he will come to me. "

I feel pretty in purple

Once upon a time.. I wrote this:

MEYAOU!!! Thou Shalt Not Pass!!! MEYAOU!!!

Saturday left me with a bit of insomnia and not much to do, so I decided to try out Paladin a bit. I usually do this sorta thing in Sandy so I can gather up a few fire crystals & conquest points while I'm at it. And its amazingly fun to kill easy prey mobs in a few hits... nuff to give a girl airs, I'm sure, but if i can't intimidate an Orc, I'd just assume kill it in two swings. But I ran from lv9 to lv15 in very little time, when you get 15-40 xp per mob. I've always loved the idea of being a paladin. I can imagine guarding a door... keeping the linking tarutaru out... MEYAOU!!! THOU SHALT NOT PASS!!! MEYAOU!!!

hehe...and now.. well... I MADE IT TO 73!!! And now look at me! I'm PURPLE! MEYAOU!!
I took white mage to 73 or 74 when I had taken some time off to level red mage. It wasn't a really planned effort as I'd like to think, but just an effort to keep myself entertained by the game. Lotsa things were discouraging me, mostly involving people constantly criticizing my gear or the HNM para-military nonsense. But I took red mage and others pretty far, including some combat jobs I had not done before.

(In a segment of non-sequiter theatre: My first choice when starting the game was Thief, but changed to Warrior after not...knowing a darn thing I was doing...and KO'ing a ton. But I had to eventually passed my subjob quest, I found white mage... and LOVED IT. Lets just admit it.. people will not invite a warrior that doesn't know what she's doing, but will invite a white mage. And I loved being the one to take care of the whole party, but it would be 2 years before I went back to leveling Warrior.)

White Mage CAN be fun, exciting and have a lot to do. Maybe people dissagree, but I find it as a frequent wait for the right moment, and watching logs for signals, the mobs for animation, and the party chat for other clues for when you're needed. I take great pride in the fact that I could recognize things like Petrified before the tank could. However, it is a different feel and style to tanking as a Paladin. I have watched many different tanks and I have known many ideas of the ways of hate control already, and after getting advice I could, I became what I consider a decient paladin. But thats not the best part...the best part is that to be a good paladin, you have to be a spazmastic kitty jumping up and down and poking the mob until it gets so angry it wont want to eat anyone else. And guess what? I LOVE BEING A SPAZMASTIC KITTY!!! I just bounce, whack with a shield, flash, poke, and all the wonderful things that paladins get to do. And I LOVE it.

hehe.. of course.. its not always easy. When you introduce jobs like Monk or Warrior or Samurai who get immense weaponskills and are just TP machines.. its hard to compete. Last night, I had a thief and a Samurai..who subbed thief.. that spammed weapon skills enhanced with Sneak Attack, and then threw in Rangers 800 point archery weapon skills to boot. Just can't compete against that kind of hate. It really makes me feel bad too, since I end up looking like a newbie tank, and its not as if it necessary to do all that. The party that got me my level was killing faster and more efficient and I hardly ever lost hate for longer than a few seconds, and they had high hate jobs too.

Anyway.. I'll be over here.. looking at my sparklie new armor..

"I feel pretty..oh so pretty... "

Dejavu All Over Again

Hmmm... at one point, I had decided I would "never again" go and do the whole end-game gear chase. I had huge argument with one group that broke tons of promises.. did a great deal of searching to find another group that treated the gear chase as more important than life, family and what not, even if they did keep their promises. Of course, there was the lead up to that point which had its own problems. I ended up with Sumer and her friends who were personally responsible for unlocking sky for me, and making a lot of things possible.

I really enjoyed the fun we had. I love being apart of a team that works together to get things accomplished. And the best part was.. they were dedicated to having fun. No more than once or twice a week did they have activities; that meant I could take the time to enjoy the game. And the honest part of it all was that I never expected any gear from it; when it gets down to it, how much gear was there for me, and it was pleasent enough to just be apart of something. But they kept giving me gear. I suppose I technically earned the genbu shield and abjurations, but they went way beyond in generosity. What group would give a white mage a bomb core for a bomb ring to use on paladin.. that would do nothing for the LS, since I never played paladin for the ls events? And not only that, Rostrum Pumps: not only did I not have a pop item, they went out of their way to get it for me. And add to it a Jelly Ring and Reverend Mail. As well as hours of fun times. I got to kill Kirin again too.

I suppose what killed it was the number of people who showed up for one item then abondoned us. One instance really hurt me when I went out of my way to create a pop item with my own gil in order to get a chance to use my own only to have that person hop the shell and take the item along with. Then the people upset over doing so little over the week, and wanted more gear much faster. Its very easy to say "its just a game" a lot, but just like when someone throws a sponge at your face, its still gonna make you flinch. Its not a game thats causing the problems but people who decided to cause problems, or call names, or ruin things for others. And ultimatly, everyone became grumpy over time...I suppose I was guilty of that as well. Thats when the number one rule kicks in.. do nothing that makes you hate the game.

I had fun in sky once again, and I do not regret that, but I will not be doing this again. I suppose it would be possible to find a group of adults again, who understand realities of life and fun...but I will not hold my breath. hehe...and I will not be apart of any group that treats its members like military. But I will not loose contact with my friends either.