Gregarious Non-Conformist Blues

"Heard joke once:
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain.
Doctor says 'Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.
Man bursts into tears. Says 'But, doctor, I am pagliacci'".
--The Watchmen Graphi Novel

Depressing book--borrowed it from my brother. But it was almost greek in its writing; it had the elements you'd find from some of the classics... heck.. even Deux Ex Machina. But that joke always stuck with me. "Tears of a clown; when no ones around." Maybe people who know me will understand why this hits me so strongly.

It of course leads me to a Hopi saying that struck me even harder. "Walk in Beauty." Very universal idea; I've seen similar ideas in many cultures, including the Bible. Find the beauty in life and embrace it. I like to hope thats what people see me doing. I think about it alot, especially when I find my self in conflict.

I know that I am rather abberant about my behavior some times. There are times when I have been harsh about something or another; but even then I try to control my instincts. But everyone has their pet peaves. I for one... hate being condescended to. Which is a hard thing considering all the little immature boys on this server who go out of their way to be condescending to women. "Hey, babe, wanna party" is not the way to approach me. It may be as innocent as "nice weather today" but I'm sorry; the idiots have ruined the idea for me, and I no longer accept it. Of course "hey, you're hot" from one sprite to another sprite is the zenith of idiocy to me.

But there are occasions when people step on things sacred to me. Nobody likes to hear their heros maligned. Or when people get really discusting about their topics of conversations... like detailed descriptions of sexual acts or other random obscenities and vulgarities. I can do without all of them. In general terms, I will leave. Sometimes, I can't or at least.. would be very hard to leave. But I would rather just play the game and have FUN than sit around and debate people. Maybe if I was better at it than I am, but I just consider it a lost effort. Its just that after a long fight; they always feel like empiric victories to me.

Maybe fun is the lost art. Hehe.. I AM KITTY! I WILL HAVE FUN!